Some parents see New Year's Eve as an opportunity to get away from the family to celebrate in private or with friends. Going out to dinner, attending parties, and emptying bottles seems to be the order of the night. I recommend another alternative, one that can help your family grow closer. Spend New Year's Eve together. It's an ideal time to celebrate connectedness, reflect on the past year, and look ahead to the future.

This is how it worked for our family, when my children were growing up. Deciding what treats to purchase, shopping together, and decorating occupied much of the day that led up to the big evening. Dinner and card games filled the early evening. When interest in games died down, we assembled in the living room, sat in a circle, and began the most meaningful part of our New Year's Eve togetherTopic Talk.

Topics are ideas we dreamed up to help structure our conversation. One family member suggested a topic like "A new friend I made this year," or "My favorite song this year." We each took a turn responding to the topic, telling as much as we chose. Listeners did simply thatlistened until everyone had responded. When each person had had an opportunity to respond to the topic, we asked questions and elaborated on our remarks. Some of the topics we used that helped us get in touch with each other and reflect on the previous year included:

My favorite book this year
Something I did that Im proud of
Something I wish I could do over
My favorite place I visited this year
Something I bought for myself
Something I did for others

At eleven o'clock we ended Topic Talk and got out Our Goalsa list of goals that we had shared and recorded the previous New Years Eve. I kept them in a special drawer in my desk. Again we took turns, reading our goals from the preceding year and telling whether we had reached them or not. One New Year's Eve, our goals from the previous year were:

Jenny - Go to horseback riding camp
Matt - Get a medal in wrestling
Randy - Make the high school baseball team
Me - Finish my manuscript on "Talk Sense to Yourself" and run a marathon with dignity

After sharing in depth how we had achieved or hadnt achieved our previous years goals, we set new ones for the upcoming year. Jenny acted as recorder and took down our statements as we dictated them. I then put the goals away until our next New Year's Eve celebration.

As the time neared midnight, we turned on the TV and counted down the minutes and seconds. We included in our celebration the traditional hugs, kisses, and noisemaking.

Adapt this idea to fit you and your family. Gather your family together and lead off the New Years celebration by sharing your goal for the New Year: to promote togetherness and build family spirit.