Wouldn't you like to know all the Internet marketing "secrets" that have made me the man I am today?

I live in a house way too big for my beautiful wife and myself. We eat three square meals a day and can snack anytime we feel like it! We drive our luxurious Cavalier to the beach and swim anytime we want (when I'm not busy making money on the Internet and the beach is not closed because of E. coli levels or ice fishing).

It wasn't always this way. I remember just about fifty-two short years ago when I had no clothes. The doctor had to wrap me up in a blanket. But I applied myself for decades and finally starting making money on the Internet.

Did you hear about the guy that made fifty million dollars in one day on eBay? Peanuts! If you want to make really huge amounts of cash from e-commerce, listen to a guy who's been there.

Why should I tell you (a perfect stranger) all my tricks of the trade? Why don't I just keep the information to myself and make a ton of cash with that knowledge?

These are good questions. This proves that you are thinking and that people on the Internet are not stupid or gullible.

The real reason I am sharing this information is because I like people. In fact, I like you. I consider you one of my closest friends because you are interested in my one passion, Internet marketing. The fact that you have read this far proves your interest. Because you are so smart and motivated, I want to help you.

The fact that I am going to release only 5,000 copies of my Internet marketing "secrets" at $5,000 a pop, for a cool $25,000,000, has absolutely nothing to do with money.

You see, I don't really need the money. We only have three more payments to go on the Cavalier. My fridge is full of Canadian beer. So, money is obviously not my prime motivation.

My charging you $5,000 for my Internet marketing "secrets" is my way of giving back to the community. Really, I'm doing all this to help you because I want to leave behind a legacy. I want people to say (after I'm dead and have no clue about what's going on) what a great philanthropist I was.

By the way, the lawyer at the legal clinic said I should tell you two words: "Earnings Disclaimer".

Even though anyone as smart and motivated and good-looking as you is sure to make billions on the Internet working two or less hours a week, he insisted that I tell you. (Aren't these creative types hilarious?)

He says: "There is no guarantee that you will make any money. Some persons are stupid, lazy and ugly and have zero chance of success."

What a party pooper!