Jan 21st 2006

Exactly 3 years from today I died. Then I was just another teenager, blinded, seeking direction, thirsty for knowledge, beautiful things, all the time holding hard a rope that directed me in the good and the bad. It wasnt suicide, or normal biological death. To be completely honest, I do not know what kind of death it was, why I died, nor was there anyone or anything that caused it. All I know is that I died, and with me died the little teenager, the blindness, those insecure illusive directional arrows, and the hard rope broke. The thirst for knowledge and the beautiful things remained there forever. I daresay they became stronger, deeper, and somehow sucked the contrast, tone and values away from everything else imaginary. Even from death itself.

I still remember vague sequences from that sad day for the people who knew me. It was raining. The sky, or something that looked like one, had gray nuances and the wind deformed softly their empty eyeshades, freezing their sad numb faces and bringing tears of sorrow.

For me was completely different. I felt secure watching my coffin surrounded by people. By people... And as everyone cried I felt for the first time happy, somehow I cannot never explain it fully how I really felt. Is it right to feel happy when someone dies? And when you see yourself inside the tomb, should you smile? What would the world say? Does that make me evil?

I remember that I left them for a while doing their own rituals Suddenly it became dark, very dark, and I also remember myself not being scared, but surprised. I was always being told that in the end, if youre a good person youll see only white. Again, I thought: Was I a bad person?

Part 1 God Is Evil

I started walking, maybe for a very short time, until I saw three doors. I stared at the first one. It said HEAVEN. I open it and enter inside. The first thing that catches my attention is a priest. I cannot see his face, but I do not think too much detail of this is needed anyways He is holding a child in his lap and apparently is playing with him something. A new game, I think, because I cannot recall memories of myself when I was much younger playing with sexual organs and others genitals. The priests voice started to get louder though, and the kid did not seem to be having much fun. I stepped forward; they both saw me. I simply looked at them. The priest covered his face, God forgive me!, and run. I didnt bother, just continued walking, thinking about the priest my good catholic parents had hired for my funeral

On another corner lay a dark colored man and, believe it or not, sitting on a chair there was Jesus Christ talking to him. Up in a big golden throne was God. I walked up to them, but I did not say anything to Jesus. Apparently, since the first moment I was dead, the being I dedicated my whole short life seemed to me just an emotional poet who sacrificed everything for human literature.

Hello, my son. Welcome home!

Why did you kill me God?! I said simply. My question surprises the other man and as he stands up he asks:

Yeah! Hey God, I never asked you why did you let me die too? You are evil god!

My good son You were praying while TITANIC was taking you deep down the pacific. You should have swim. I gave you your brain so you can learn how to swim! You are an ignorant fool!

But but I thought that you gave me my brain, my body, my whole life so I can believe and follow your path.

God is quiet. After a while he smiles and answers: Forget about that. Now you are here with me.

I look at the man indifferently:

That is right. You can wonder all day in the magnificent holy fields of Heaven, listening to quiet and peaceful beautiful melodies; no more stupid people from whom you can get second hand smoke. Now you are going to enjoy Edens fresh air. Give it a try and maybe you will find Led Zepplin here.

Wow! That sounds cool! Hey God, is that true?

Yes, my son comes his voice.

Thank you father! I had always faith in you. Bless thy word, the Holy Spirit and

But there is no more sex. I add with a diabolical smile.

God gives me a look that can make even the devil run away and then says to the man:

Sex is for the animals like the Devil. Animals are only good for food, plus they evolve. Did you know that catholic priests and nuns are not allowed to reproduce or get married?

I give another smile to these words. God raises his voice more.

They are devoted to me, so I shall give them peace here. If you carnal pleasure I will send you in Hell to the Devil. There is the place for it, and that is like going back to life. Misery! He is very evil for every good thing that he gives to you! Always! Come on my son (God winks at him) you have been living in earth for 32 years

As God finishes the man becomes sad and all I can hear are the words GOD YOU ARE EVIL!

I walk away. I know I will not find any answers here.

Part 2 Other forms of religion are evil

The second door opened easily as the first one. On the golden placate was written Allahu Akbar*. I enter and I see two silhouettes talking quietly inside a cave.

I am sorry Mohammed. Ive been bad, a cheater, killer, liar, evil Forgive me.

Im sorry, but it is up to Allah to decide

(crying; murmuring the Kuran)

By the way, your niece, I heard, is posing artistic nudes for the GC! The other guy gets very angry and starts to scream.

And I thought you were the Good One! But you are evil too! Allah, Allah

Please, estakfurulla, bismilah I just mentioned a fact, just to open a conversation, you know, until he comes for your final judging.

Okay, okay. I am sorry Mohammed, but you are a little bit evil; just a little bit. (He shows his pinkys nail)

Most of us Muslims live in poor countries; we have to grow to grow beard even when its hot; our women have to be covered in black head over heels. They are never independent. Sometimes we beat them up to death just for showing without consent their lips in public when they eat. They do not say anything. And whats this mental tradition of cutting the skin of the penis? It hurts man And not to mention the 5-times-a day- praying. Come on! (Whispers in the others ear) Did you know that Christians, Catholics and others pray to their God only once a day, usually, before they go to sleep? I kind of envy them

Are you questioning Allahs rules?!

No, no! Id be evil to do that, I accept everything for Allah

Then are you being evil to yourself?! he asks.

The other does not answer just bites his dirty nails.

How many wives does He allow you now? the questioning continues.

Only four. He took my other four because he said I did too much killing The person who was questioning before looks around once or twice and says: Thats kind of evil if you think about it. Youve got to have fun once in a while, you know Thats what females are made for I smile and leave as they continue to talk.

Part 3 Humans are evil

There it is. The last door It looks beautiful and seductive from the outside. It doesnt have a name. I wonder why To my surprise I do not see anything else except a very artistic, big, blood on canvas painting of The Universe and some kind of book. I get closer to admire the many colors** and the beautiful red tones used. It was amazing and it opened my eyes even more. The details were stunning.

People

Killing
Cheating
Lying
Stealing
Committing adultery
Taking advantage
Being hypocrites
Sexually abusing

I look down at the black space, on the corner of the canvas. The signature reads HUMAN. I smile again; this time a more intelligent smile. Suddenly I am reminded of the book. I open it and realize that it is a guestbook. I start to read:

~ People will ignore their misfortunes and their interests when they are in competition with their pleasures.

~ The world is a dangerous place to live, not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it.

~ There surely is in human nature an inherent propensity to extract all the good out of all the evil.

~ Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction.

~ Death? Why this fuss about death. Use your imagination, try to visualize a world without death! ... Death is the essential condition of life, not an evil.

~ Battle not with monsters lest ye become a monster and if you gaze into the abyss the abyss gazes into you.

I cannot stop smiling. I take the pen and write on a blank page with a grotesque calligraphy

Human Nature Is Evil

People are crying sadly. I smile; a diabolic evil smile...